I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's the barista slut.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
