Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize