HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
