when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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