can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
