dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
as a side note pls kill me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
