wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
