I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
