I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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