I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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