I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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