dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
