my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
