maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
