that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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