She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
