guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
