If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
