Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
