i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
