Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
