Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
