His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
