I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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