Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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