JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
