you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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