Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
