If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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