I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
