he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pooping to opera.
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