I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
