Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
