gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
