take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
