I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
