my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
