I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
