Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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