Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
