I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
