their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize