Why does Corona taste like a burp?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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