No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
