Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
