I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
