What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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