Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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