So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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