omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize