There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize