he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
