Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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