You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
