you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
