I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
