Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize