plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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