Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
