Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
