u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize