Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
