So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
