Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
