It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
