I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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