Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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