Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
