I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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