How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
