the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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