So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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