woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
