so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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