Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
