i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize