so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
