I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
